Plans

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.'"

                                                       ~ Jeremiah 29:11

I don't know about you, but "plans" are huge for me. I really like to know exactly what is going to happen and when. Also how. Details are important, but if I can't have details, let's at least have a rough outline, ok? I drive my husband crazy. He doesn't like plans. He doesn't want every moment to be scheduled. He wants to just "hang out", "play it by ear" or let whatever is going to happen, happen. I guess we drive each other nuts.

As much as I like plans, I like them even more when they're MY plans. I mean, if you make a plan, I'm happy to go along with it, but before we decide, why don't we take a look at MY plan? If it's my plan, I know exactly what is going to happen and I feel in control.

And there it is. The magic word. Control. It really isn't about planning, is it? It's control. I want it. I need it. Without it, stress and worry start to creep in. Doubt and fear...can we please just make a plan? It's not that I don't trust you. I just trust ME more....

Honestly, it's a little ridiculous. I mean, perhaps have a little ground to stand on in my marriage. I control a lot within my family and we need that control. I'm the mother, the wife, the manager of the house. It's my job. But when it comes to God, it's ridiculous, isn't it? Who am I, that I should claim to have control over life itself? Who am I to claim that I am more trustworthy than God? That I can do a better job?

Yet, unconsciously, I do that every day. Every time I doubt, every time I worry, every time I think I've got it all figured out, I tell God that I've got this. I don't need you. It's all good, thanks anyway. I choose my plans over His. So far, that hasn't turned out very well for me. I mean, sure, I've got some amazing blessings and I'm so grateful. But I've experienced some spectacular failures too. At the end of the day, it's my pride and my need for control that causes all my failures.

"I have plans for you," whispers God. "Good ones. You'll really like them. Just trust me."

"Ok, but can you just tell me now? Because I have this plan right here that I really like and I know all the details and I really think it will all work out this time, so if you can't give me details, I think I'd better just stick with the sure thing..."

What a mess. Lord, help me trust You. I'm so foolish sometimes. I need Your plans, Your control in my life. I know You know what's best for me. Thank you for Your unfailing love.