A Good Man

I've been seeing a lot of memes and "inspirational" quotes on Face and Pinterest lately. They've probably always been there, but I've just happened to notice them more lately. A few of them have stuck out on my mind and that's because they irritated me. They were about men and they perpetuated an idea that I think is not only false, but dangerous to our society.

I'm not going to post the quote and I'm not going to quote it either, mostly because I don't want to go look for it, but also because I don't want to continue its spread. The basic idea is that a "good" man is one who wants to be constantly with his woman and is sick when she's gone. He caters to her every whim in order to make her happy and is always there to support her emotions. In all honesty, that sounds pretty great, doesn't it? Like a Disney fairy tale almost.

Well that's because it is. That man doesn't exist and hoping and wishing for him to come along and sweep us off our feet is not only futile, but dangerous. It's dangerous for us as women and it's harmful to men. The minute we define a "good" man as something out of a fairy tale, we categorize all those who fall short as "not good" or failures and guess what? They all fall short. Maybe some come closer than others, but I promise you, no man in the world wants to be with you 100% of the time. Sometimes he's glad to be away from you. You're probably awesome but so is chocolate. If you ate chocolate at every meal and every snack, you'd get sick of it really fast.

The problem here is that this idea of a "good" man is based completely on what he can do for his woman. It's an idea that is based out of selfishness and need and when the man doesn't live up to what she wants, he's a dog.

Now, I've been married for 7 years and we've been together for almost 10 years, so I think I have a pretty decent grasp of male behavior. I don't think my husband is unique (though he IS pretty special ;) and I think he represents most men. He likes time away from me. *gasp!* He gets tired of my company! How awful. Or not, because I like time away from him too. It's actually healthy to have separate hobbies and pursuits. It's healthy to spend time apart because that makes your time together so much sweeter. You actually have things to talk about, you've missed the other person so you treasure your moments together. Nobody's life should be so wrapped up in another person that they're "sick" when the other person isn't around.

He also doesn't cater to my every whim and emotion (boooo!). As it turns out, I'm a woman. And women (sorry girls) are fickle creatures. Now, there are exceptions to every rule and maybe you're the exception, but I certainly am not. My emotions fluctuate and I'm not always reasonable. I thank God that my man is a steady rock that I can count on to keep me grounded. He tells me when I'm acting ridiculous. He doesn't give in to the depths of my emotions. He helps me be a stronger and better person by example.

So what IS a good man? I found this on Pinterest:

Source

I don't think we should judge men on their relationships with us. Sometimes love makes us weak and causes us to do silly things. I've also heard that we should judge men on how they treat their mothers. I don't think we should do that either. Some mothers weren't that great. 

I think we should judge a man by how he makes everyone around him feel. How he treats strangers, children and animals. By the decisions he makes when no one is watching. I have a theory that if we choose men of integrity, we'll never have to worry about him not spending enough time on us or not being there emotionally for us. A weak man may cater to our every whim just so we'll stay with him, but that doesn't make him a good man. A man of strength and character is a good man. Even good men mess up, but if we're judging men by the right characteristics, I think we'll be a lot more willing to forgive the mess ups and perhaps even be counting our blessings that such a good man chose us. 

I know I am. 

Wednesday is for Weightloss

(Source: Angela Miller Photography, via Pinterest)

There are a lot of reasons to lose weight. Some of them are good, some aren't. Trying to look like a model isn't really a good reason, in my opinion. Neither is wanting a "thigh gap." 

I think it's important to pinpoint exactly why we want to lose weight and figure out if our reasons are healthy or not. I believe that we become what we focus on and put our energy into. If our motivation for doing something is superficial or unhealthy, we will become superficial and unhealthy. 

On the other hand, by knowing exactly why we're doing what we're doing, we have an endless supply of motivation and self-encouragement. When things get tough, we can remind ourselves that we have a purpose and an end goal. It causes us to push ourselves and work harder.

So why do I want to lose weight? For a long time my reasoning was simply, "Because I should." It was expected of me. I was overweight, thus I "should" lose weight. It was the right thing to do. 

Guess what? That's not a good enough reason. It wasn't for me and it probably won't be for you, either. It's vague and impersonal. There was nothing there to motivate me. And in the end, I failed over and over because the fact of the matter is, if we all did what we "should" do, we'd all be pretty near perfect. 

Guess what else? I don't care about being "skinny." I thought I should lose weight so I could be skinny like everyone else. I realized that I didn't really care too much about being skinny because I don't ever remember being skinny. I've been heavy my whole life. It's one of those things that I don't know what I'm missing because I never had it. I couldn't find any motivation there either. Oh sure, it's a nice fantasy to be slim and gorgeous but hello, it's also a nice fantasy to be rich and famous. One seemed as realistic as the other. 

But there ARE real and true reasons and motivations to workout and lose weight. Everyone is different and everyone has different reasons, but I think it's critical to really know and understand yourself and what motivates you. 

So what motivates me? A couple things. Number one is my husband. He works his butt off in the gym. His muscles are huge and he puts a lot of time and effort into not only muscle building, but being healthy as well. I want to make him proud of me. I want working out to be something we have in common. I want us both to be healthy so that we can have a long, healthy life together. 

Number 2 and 3 are my kids. I want to be able to play sports with them. I want to be able to hike and bike and run and spend time outdoors with them. I want to go canoeing down a river with them. I want them to know from example that living a healthy and active lifestyle is fun and rewarding. How can I do that when I'm overweight and unhealthy? I want to be an example for them and that means getting my butt in gear and in the gym!

Number 4 is myself. I want it for me. I want to look in the mirror and feel good about myself. I'm not worried about being beautiful, but I want to be able to look at myself and feel pride. I want to know that I'm doing everything I can to be my best self. I want to feel strong.

Finally, number 5 is..well, it's clothes. Yes. I said clothes. Now that we're past all the warm fuzzies, I'll just tell you that I love clothes. I think they're awesome. I want to be able to wear whatever I want. They don't make cute clothes in my size. Well, they do, but they're pretty expensive. I hate my clothes and I don't want them anymore! Is that superficial? Maybe, but I guess a little bit of superficiality never hurt anyone, did it? =)

Sticking to a workout plan or diet is hard. Once you have a list of reasons why you want to do it, you have all the motivation you need. So when you're just not feeling it, or you want to give up, reread your list. Remember what's really important and maybe it will be a bit easier to push on.

Tasty Tuesday

Do you meal plan? I've "dabbled" in meal planning for quite some time, but I rarely stuck with it (shocking, right?). I had a hard time sticking with the plan and it seemed just wasted energy. That is, until I moved in with my mother in law.

You see, my mother in law doesn't like to eat carbs or many calories. Neither does my husband for that matter. It became a juggling act to try and figure out what they would actually eat and it was nearly impossible to come up with dinner ideas on the fly. After struggling to please everyone while making dinner off the top of my head, I realized things needed to change. I definitely NEEDED a menu plan now that I was cooking for 6 picky eaters.

I started looking up low carb and low calorie recipes on Pinterest and writing out the ones that everyone liked on paper so I could stick them in our own Fox Family Recipe Binder. At first, we had something new every day so I could build up a reserve of "approved" meals to draw from each week. Now, we have one new recipe each week and the rest are tried and true.

I don't organize my recipes alphabetically, I organize them in the order they've been prepared. I pull out the first 6 recipes on Sunday and they go in the back after they've been used. In this way, all the recipes get used and rotated and we have a variety of healthy meals.

I also make it a habit on Sundays to look at what's on sale at my 3 favorite stores so that I can match up our meals with the deals. Chicken was dirt cheap at Fred Meyer this week, so we're having a lot of it ($1.79/lb for boneless/skinless chicken breast! Go get some!) I also do my shopping for the week on Sunday or Monday so by Monday night, I have all the recipes I need and all the ingredients I need for a weeks worth of meals. Making dinner is a snap and it's so easy to stick with the plan.

So what's on the menu this week? Glad you asked!


Monday: Slow Cooker Sesame-Garlic Chicken

Tuesday: Atkins Meatloaf

Wednesday: Asian Pork

Thursday: Baked Chicken Breast

Friday: Tater Tot Casserole

Saturday: Almost "Bourbon" Chicken

Sunday: Crustless Spinach Quiche.


Do you menu plan? What's your favorite meal to put in your plan?

52 Lists - Week 2: List Your Greatest Comforts

Welcome to week 2! Last week I shared with you words that touched my soul. This week is all about comfort and I think I speak for many when I say we like to be comfortable!

You can find last weeks list HERE and the original 52 lists at Moorea Seal's blog HERE.

So here's what I take comfort in, in no particular order:

My husband, first and always. He's like a giant teddy bear (with big, manly muscles... :P )

My children

Chocolate, which comes in behind my children, but not by much. Mmmm.

Old-time hymns, like "It Is Well With My Soul."

Music in general. Nothing makes me feel better than turning on Pandora when I'm stressed. 

A warm, cozy, (preferably fuzzy) blanket. I got an amazing plush blanket for Christmas and I pretty much live in it. 

Anything knit. Reminds me of Grandma.

My dad's old Bible.

My mom's ring, which I never take off my finger.

My animals.

My amazing friends, who are like family to me.

My sister, who's always been there for me.

A hug.

Once again, my old list is HERE and it's interesting to see the differences. I still take comfort in all the things I said, but not all of them came to mind.

What things bring you comfort? Leave a comment and let me know!

Inspire Me...

Source: Meggielynne

Silly Saturday

Wednesday is for Weightloss

Happy New Year! You know what New Year's is a great time for? Starting new things! C'mon, everyone's doing it, right?

I think breaking New Year's resolutions is as much a tradition as making them, but I still think it's good to make them. Why? Because the process of making resolutions forces you to evaluate your life, pinpoint where you need work and identify ways to change. Sure, we might all give up after a while, but there's still some level of awareness there and it's far better than stumbling blindly through life, oblivious to our faults.

Of course, even better than making resolutions is making a solid plan to stick with them so that next year's resolutions won't be the same as this years!

My New Year's Resolution is to workout 5 days a week. I carved out a chunk of time while my kids are at school and my husband is home between school and work so that I can go and get a workout in. That's my plan. Hubby comes home, I leave. I'll make sure everything is ready to go the night before so there's no excuses. New year, new goal, new me! By the way, it's not just my New Year's Resolution, it's my monthly habit for January.

May 2014 be your best year yet!