Change

After a long hiatus (4 months), the nudging of friends has brought me back to my blog. Why did I stop posting? I don't really know. I got busy. I forgot. I couldn't keep the schedule I imposed upon myself. And then I felt guilty. I didn't want to be reminded of how I'd failed. Just another blog I couldn't keep up.

And then yesterday, two dear friends told me they missed my blog. And I realized that I did too! As I thought about why I had stopped and why I felt like I had failed, the only reason I could come up with was my own pride. This blog wasn't an obligation, or a job. It was an extension of my life, an outlet for my thoughts, a podium to display my children and family. There are no rules, no schedules, no failures. It's just a tool.

I wanted to emulate the great blogs I read. I wanted to be "successful." I wanted to be predictable and reliable, and when things didn't go my way, I gave up.

I can't say what my blog will be like. But I can say it will be about me and my life. Will there be daily posts? Probably not. But I hope there won't be any more four month gaps.

In other news, we're in the midst of moving. I've wanted to move out of this place so long that I can only feel excitement, even though the circumstances of our move aren't exactly ideal. We recently realized that we would have to make a choice between Nathan finishing school and being able to get through the coming months financially. It was no longer an option to do both. But Nate is only 2 semesters away from his degree. After everything we've gone through and worked towards, the thought of being unable to finish was heartbreaking.

With much trepidation, I called my mother in law. We need a place to stay for the next two school semesters. We can't afford our house anymore. We chose education over financial security. I was scared we were making the wrong decision. After all, I'd been called a fool for prioritizing education over short term financial stability. And maybe we are fools. I just knew that if my husband could finish his degree, then a year from now we'd be in a much better situation than if he quit school in order to provide for our immediate needs.

My mother in law, without hesitation, agreed to let us move in with her. Nate will be able to finish school and we'll be able to help her with childcare and around the house, as she is a single working mom. Even further, we'll be able to save money over the coming months so that when he's done school, we'll be able to move into a home that is bigger and better than the one we're currently living in.

In the end, I think we've made the best choice for our family and I'm excited. I know it will be difficult to have two families living together under one somewhat small roof, but we'll make it happen. My kids will have room to run around outside, they'll be able to play with their aunt whenever they want, they'll be going to the same school as her and they'll be able to form deeper bonds with their grandma and aunt.

So now I'm in the midst of packing and cleaning. Moving day is August 17! A lot of things are changing, but I think our lives are only going to get better!