Bittersweet December

I didn't really get many pictures from Thanksgiving (for some reason my camera doesn't take very good indoor candid shots) but we had a wonderful day. We ended up having our feast on Friday instead of Thursday so we spent Thursday relaxing and prepping some of the dishes we were going to have on Friday.

On Friday we enjoyed the fruits of our labor. The meal was great and it was so nice to spend time with family and friends. We played games till nearly midnight. I know it shouldn't take a special holiday to remind me of how blessed I am, but Thanksgiving just really emphasizes to me how much we truly have. I'm so grateful for my family, especially my husband and children, and our awesome friends.

One of my favorite days of the year isn't Thanksgiving though. It's right after. Not Black Friday (you'll never find me in a store on Black Friday, ha!) Just the fact that Thanksgiving is over makes me feel like it's finally ok to break out the Christmas music and decor. I force myself to wait, but now...freedom!

I love Christmas. It really is the most wonderful time of the year, at least for me. I've always loved it, but each year there's a little sadness mixed in with the joy. A little loneliness to remind me to cherish the days and the moments I have with those I love most. Fifteen years ago on December 4, my dad left us to be with God. My life completely changed. We had been writing a script for the children's Christmas play at my church together and then he was just gone. Christmas was spent without him for the very first time. A new year began for us, but not for him. My heart broke in a way that I don't think will ever really heal. Does it help to remind myself that he's with Jesus? Sometimes. It might be selfish, but I'd rather he was with me. I'd rather he was spending Christmas with his grandchildren.

So in between the gratitude of Thanksgiving and the joy of Christmas, I indulge in a little self-pity and sadness. Just for a moment, I yearn for something long gone, never to return. Because when I do, it makes the joy and gratitude just a little more poignant. I cling a little tighter to my husband and my children. I love a little bit harder. And I thank God for every moment I get with them, because the next could be the last.

My dad, Bill Stock, with my two brothers, Dave and Mark, about 1996 I think.

My Little Man

Today I become the mom to a 2 year old boy. My little Ryan has been a part of our lives for two years now :0. Amazing how fast time flies when you are grown up! Remember when in school, September - June used to seem like 300 years! Now you blink and the days are gone. It seems just yesterday we found out we were expecting our third little bundle. I had just finished nursing school 3 months prior, and we had just moved into our first home 3 weeks earlier. New house, new baby! I thought for sure I would be digging out those pink clothes that had overtaken our house, what a shock when we found out in fact we could finally get rid of those boxes and boxes of pink clothes! We were having a boy! Shawn wouldn't be alone in having to deal with all the estrogen in the house!!

On March 5, 2011 at 1:53 AM in room 2019 at Northern Lights Regional Health Center, our little man was born! All 9lbs 2oz of him! A whole pound bigger then his big sister was!! And a whole newborn bigger than Brooke! He was such an easy baby! All of mine were. How I lucked out I don't know! I won't complain though ;). Everyone told me I was in for it. Boys were SO much busier than girls. As Ryan reached 1 I came to see this for myself. Oh my! Not only is he busy, he is STUBBORN! Definitely not like his mother ;). If he has it in his head he wants something, it's game over until he gets it. The girls were so easy to redirect; not Ryan. He knows what he wants and goes for it. Right now this makes me want to scream, but I hope this is something he doesn't lose. I hope he realizes the world is his for the taking and he goes for his dreams no matter what it takes.

Happy birthday Ryan Alexander Meeres. Thank you for making me smile everyday. You are my favorite little man in the ENTIRE world!!

Photography

I have a pretty decent camera. It's not one of those fancy ones where you can swap out the lens or anything, but it's pretty good for a point and click camera. I really like taking pictures and then editing them. When I compare my pictures to someone who's really good at photography, I can see I'm lacking, but when I'm just looking at my own pictures, I feel pretty proud of them. There's something beautiful about an image I've captured and made my own. I hope to someday have a better camera and the skills to actually use it.

Here are some pictures I took last week.