My Little Man

Today I become the mom to a 2 year old boy. My little Ryan has been a part of our lives for two years now :0. Amazing how fast time flies when you are grown up! Remember when in school, September - June used to seem like 300 years! Now you blink and the days are gone. It seems just yesterday we found out we were expecting our third little bundle. I had just finished nursing school 3 months prior, and we had just moved into our first home 3 weeks earlier. New house, new baby! I thought for sure I would be digging out those pink clothes that had overtaken our house, what a shock when we found out in fact we could finally get rid of those boxes and boxes of pink clothes! We were having a boy! Shawn wouldn't be alone in having to deal with all the estrogen in the house!!

On March 5, 2011 at 1:53 AM in room 2019 at Northern Lights Regional Health Center, our little man was born! All 9lbs 2oz of him! A whole pound bigger then his big sister was!! And a whole newborn bigger than Brooke! He was such an easy baby! All of mine were. How I lucked out I don't know! I won't complain though ;). Everyone told me I was in for it. Boys were SO much busier than girls. As Ryan reached 1 I came to see this for myself. Oh my! Not only is he busy, he is STUBBORN! Definitely not like his mother ;). If he has it in his head he wants something, it's game over until he gets it. The girls were so easy to redirect; not Ryan. He knows what he wants and goes for it. Right now this makes me want to scream, but I hope this is something he doesn't lose. I hope he realizes the world is his for the taking and he goes for his dreams no matter what it takes.

Happy birthday Ryan Alexander Meeres. Thank you for making me smile everyday. You are my favorite little man in the ENTIRE world!!

Dear Damien

To my precious son on his 6th birthday,

I feel like crying. That's probably not a great way to start a love letter to my child, but nevertheless, I feel like crying. It's been six years since the day I first held you in my arms, first heard your cries and felt your tiny heart beat against mine. You were the embodiment of love. I couldn't stop staring at your perfect face. All the pain of the past weeks was forgotten; the days of labor, the surgery I just experienced, gone. Nothing else existed except you. My firstborn, changer of lives, bringer of joy. Damien James.

When I first learned you were coming, I was scared. I didn't know what I had to offer a child or how we'd make things work. Then, just as I was about to become a mother, I lost mine. Your grandma died and I couldn't handle it. I was a little crazy those first few months of pregnancy, but your Daddy helped me through it. It wasn't long before I could feel you kicking me. I started to get excited and began dreaming of our life together, of what you would be like. I married your Daddy and we moved into our first house, the same house we live in now, six years later.

As your arrival drew closer, I think you decided that my sciatic nerve was a good place to hang out. Even then you were trolling Mommy. I was in so much pain I could barely move. I spent much of my time laying in bed, thinking about you, feeling you kick and move. When the midwife told me she was going to induce me, I was ecstatic. Not only would it be an end to the pain, but I would finally get to meet my son. I expected to check in at the hospital, "get induced" (whatever that meant) and be holding you in my arms a few hours later. Alas, it was not meant to be. You weren't really interested in joining us no matter how hard we tried to get you out. Finally, 3 days later during an emergency surgery at 11:30pm on January 31, you entered the world. I remember turning my head to try and catch a glimpse of you as they took you to the side of the room to be cleaned up. I remember tears streaming down my face as I heard you scream. I remember them laying you in my arms for a few, too few, moments before they took you away. You were perfect.

It seemed like hours before I saw you again. Finally, they brought you back to me after my surgery was all done. It felt like you were made to fit perfectly in my arms. After 3 more days, they let us go home. Your Daddy and I felt like we were getting away with something devious. We couldn't believe they were going to just let us walk out of the hospital with you. We felt like someone was going to catch up to us and tell us there was a mistake. We had no idea how to be a Mommy or a Daddy. We yelled at everyone who got too close to our little brown car when we drove. I'd lay on the couch and just stare at you when we were watching TV. You changed our lives.

I can't believe what a little man you are turning into. You are funny and smart, sensitive and kind. You are going to be an amazing man one day, Damien. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of you. My wish for you is that you find something that you are passionate about and put your whole heart into it. I want you to learn what integrity looks like and strive for it. I want you to be a beacon to those around you, a shining light of love and kindness. I want you to know what compassion and humility feel like and to embrace them.

You have so much life ahead of you, Damien. You will do so many amazing things. You will probably play innumerable practical jokes on me because you think you're hilarious when you lock me out of the car....again. I can't wait to share your life. I can't wait to see who you will become. But I also want to hold on to you so tightly because I miss that little baby I cradled to my chest and I miss that little boy who finally learned to walk and then had to run everywhere because running was just so awesome. I'm going to miss the little boy who wants to play Minecraft together and tell me all the newest things he learned from the Youtube tutorials that he can't get enough of. These moments are so precious, Damien, and I want to cling to each one and never let them go because every moment brings me one moment closer to the day I have to let you go.

I love you so much, Damien. You are not just a light in my life, you are my sunshine. Happy Birthday, baby.

Love,
Mommy

Meanie!

I've had occasion to think about the difference between being mean and offering constructive criticism. Too often, we take things personally that are meant with the best of intentions. It's easy to misconstrue something because perhaps it hits a little too close to home. This is especially true when the advice is coming from someone close to us, a husband perhaps. Not that I would know or anything...

If we as adults have a difficult time separating our feelings from feedback that is meant to help us, then how much harder is it for our children? How difficult must it be for them to understand that what is being said is not meant to hurt them?

It's too easy to speak harshly to a child, I think. Or maybe it's just me. "Julia, you need to STOP acting like that!" "Damien, that room is disgusting. Clean it up!" But do I stop to think about how the tone of my words affects my children? Not until after the damage is done, if at all. The words are necessary, but the tone cuts. As adults, we usually have the tools to deal with situations like this, but children don't. They take it personally. They think we're angry, we're being mean, even that we hate them. How heartbreaking it is to hear that "Momma is mean." Silly words and probably not truly believed, but let that silly thought fester, even reinforce it with continuous disregard for innocent feelings? Soon the rift between Momma and son will be very wide indeed. And he will be a teenager who hates his mom.

Children don't understand. It's up to us as adults to A) equip our children with the tools they need to deal with criticism and correction and B) to temper our tone towards them, so they know that they are being treated with respect and love, even in the midst of correction or discipline. I don't know about you, but B is really hard for me. I get exasperated and frustrated. But Colossians 3:21 says:

"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

My children shouldn't have to deal with my frustration. They're not equipped for it. I don't want to cause my children discouragement. I want to encourage them! I want to teach them! I want them to know I correct them and discipline because I love them and I want them to feel that love even in the midst of "trouble."

Guess I have a bit of work to do. What about you? Do you find it easy to temper your own emotions when dealing with your kids or do you struggle like me? What tips do you have to help?

Developing Relationships with our Children

It can be so easy for us as parents to get caught up in our roles as mother or father. The day to day grind is filled with moments of exasperation, frustration and "because I said so, that's why!" We know what's best and we just want them to listen. If their room gets clean that day without 30 minutes of nagging, well, that's a victory right there!

It's easy to overlook the hearts of our children when we're so caught up in their actions and behavior. But actions stem from the heart. Even more than training our children to do their chores and behave properly, it's our job to teach our children that they are important members of a community. As members of that community, be it the family unit, a social network of friends, or school, they are important. The greatest gift we can give our children is teaching them that they have value.

How do we do that? How do we impress upon our children a sense of self-worth and value? There is truly only one way: Show them. When we, our child's greatest example, treat them with respect, we are teaching them that they have worth. When we make a conscious effort to build a relationship with our children, we teach them that they are deserving of our time and energy. We need to listen to our children, not just talk at them. We need to remember that they are people with dreams and desires, hopes and fears. Even more important, they don't know how to channel this inner dialogue. It's up to us to teach them how to focus on what is important to them and let them know that if it's important to them, it's important to us.

Does this mean indulging every childish whim? Heavens no. But it does mean that we need to take the time to open a dialogue with our children and have a genuine child-led conversation with them. I think everyone would agree that marriage takes a lot of hard work to be successful. Why, then, do we think that our relationship with our children should come naturally?

I've included several links at the bottom of this post for suggestions on how to open a dialogue with your children. The relationship between a parent and a child is one of the greatest love stories of humanity. Nurture it. Water it. Let it grow. You only have this kind of influence for a short time.


19 Things We Should Say To Children

20 Pillow Talk Questions for Children

10 Habits to Strengthen Your Relationship with Your Child