Friday, January 31, 2014

7 Years

I've shed a few tears today, I can't lie. Amidst the excitement and joy, there's a little bit of sadness. My precious baby, my first born, the one that changed my life, is seven. Another year gone, another year older. He's grown from that tiny little baby, into a rambunctious toddler, into a little boy going to school for the first time and now...he's just a boy. He's not little. He's a boy. A kid, not a child. He has opinions and thoughts and dreams and ideas. He has a fully developed personality and I'm not sure I can take it. I wanted to just wrap him in my arms this morning and tell him it wasn't his birthday. It's a mistake, stop growing up!

Good grief, when he turns 13 I'm going to be an absolute wreck...and I don't even want to think about when he turns 18.

There's joy there too, though. I'm so proud of this little man. I can't believe how amazing he is. He's so kind and loving, smart and funny. Am I biased? Obviously, yet it's all true. He told me this morning that he hadn't had peanut butter in a very long time. "Not since I was six" I couldn't help but laugh.

It really doesn't seem like that long ago that he was born. I know everyone says that, but I suppose it's because it's true. I remember laying in the bed, watching the paper print out of the heart monitor, seeing his little heart beat right there on the paper. Those little lines represented the little boy inside me, waiting to come out. It took three days, but I'll never forget the moment I heard him cry for the first time. I cried. I think Nate may have cried too. That moment changed us forever. We've made a lot of mistakes over the last seven years, but when I look at that little boy, I think we must have gotten a few things right.

He's grown into such a kind and caring boy. When I ask him to do something for me, he'll often respond, "I'd do anything for you, mom." And then my heart melts into a puddle on the floor. He's constantly praising Julia and telling her "Good job!" He has a great sense of humor and a thirst for knowledge that I envy. I've never seen a five or six year old boy google things, or search youtube for tutorials, but he does.

But when I stare into those eyes, or watch him breath as he sleeps, I don't even think of that. All I feel is such a deep love and desire to just hold him forever that it takes my breath away. I feel the sand in the hourglass slipping away and I just want him to stay like this forever.

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